Fairy Tale Court
by Mazze
Summary: Just a bunch of random fairy tale characters mixed up in a court case....written with my coauthor, KittyAuthor6. should we make a sequel?


WELCOME TO...

FAIRY TALE COURT!!

STARRING:

SANTA CLAUS as THE ACCUSED

EASTER BUNNY as THE ACCUSED

TOOTH FAIRY as THE WITNESS

SANDMAN as THE OTHER WITNESS

SNOW WHITE as THE PROSECUTOR ATTORNEY

CINDERELLA as THE BAILIFF

SHREK as THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY

DONKEY as THE JUDGE and

LITTLE BILLY as THE ACCUSER

OPENING SCENE:

SETTING: **_The courtroom_**

SCENE: **_Fairy Tale Court is just about to open for the day with the most interesting case in a while—Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are being accused of unlawfully breaking and entering without a permit and leaving unidentified objects in Little Billy's house._**

DONKEY: Order in the court! Order in the court! _bangs gavel_ _(to himself)_ How did_ I_ get picked for this??

_people are still talking_

CINDERELLA: _(screaming) He said, order in the court!!!! Shaddup!!!!!_

_room falls silent_

DONKEY: Oooooooooooooo...kaaaaaaaayyyyy...then... Moving on! Bailiff, present the case.

CINDERELLA: _stands_ Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have been charged with the crime of breaking and entering without a permit, _and_ leaving unidentified objects.

JURY: _collectively gasps in shock and starts murmuring_

DONKEY: _bangs gavel_ Be _quiet_, people! Man, after this, I'm makin' waffles!

SHREK: Donkey! Outside!! Now!!!

DONKEY: But I'm the judge, man!

SHREK: Oh. _pauses_ Carry on.

SANTA CLAUS: May I have some gingerbread cookies, please?

SNOW WHITE: _(harshly)_ _You_ don't get squat! You're the accused! So hush it and sit there!

SANTA: _scowls_ Meanie.

EASTER BUNNY: She's got a point.

DONKEY: Hey! Did I give you permission to talk?! No! I don't think so!

CINDERELLA: _stands_ Permission to call in the witnesses.

DONKEY: Permission granted. _bangs gavel_

_door in back opens. TOOTH FAIRY and SANDMAN are escorted to their seats_.

SNOW WHITE: _stands_ My client Billy would like to call the Tooth Fairy to the witness stand.

CINDERELLA: _escorts TOOTH FAIRY to witness stand_ Put your right hand on the book of Mother Goose.

TOOTH FAIRY: _complies_

CINDERELLA: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Mother Goose?

TOOTH FAIRY: I do so swear.

CINDERALLA:_sits back down_

SNOW WHITE: _walks over to witness stand_ Where were you on the night of July 24th of this year?

TOOTH FAIRY: I was at little Billy's house exchanging his right eye tooth for a quarter. What an excellent tooth it was! Nice and shiny and pearly—

SNOW WHITE: _(hurriedly)_ That's very nice. Was there anything suspicious in Billy's house?

TOOTH FAIRY: Not until I heard the big bang downstairs.

SNOW WHITE: And what did you do when you heard the big bang downstairs?

TOOTH FAIRY: I just looked over the railing.

SNOW WHITE: And _who_ did you see?

SHREK: Objection! She's leading the witness!

DONKEY: I approve that objection! Carry on!

SNOW WHITE: Did you _see_ anything?

TOOTH FAIRY: Oh, no, deary. Just a little box with a bow and an Easter egg to boot.

JURY: _starts_ _murmuring_

DONKEY: _bangs gavel_ Silence, you fools! _to SNOW WHITE_ Carry on with your questions.

SNOW WHITE: That's all my questions, your honor.

DONKEY: Does the defending side have anything to ask?

SHREK: _stands_ No questions, your honor. _sits_

CINDERELLA: _escorts TOOTH FAIRY to her seat_

SNOW WHITE: Billy would now like to call the Sandman to the witness stand.

CINDERELLA: _escorts SANDMAN to witness stand_ Please place your right hand on the book of Mother Goose.

SANDMAN: _obeys_

CINDERELLA: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Mother Goose?

SANDMAN: I do so swear.

CINDERELLA: Proceed with the questioning. _sits_

SNOW WHITE: _walks to witness stand_ Where were you on the night of July 24th of this year?

SANDMAN: I was in Billy's room, putting him to sleep.

SNOW WHITE: Did you notice anything suspicious or out of place?

SANDMAN: _yawns_ I noticed that the burglar alarm wasn't set, which was unusual, because Billy's parents always set it every night.

SNOW WHITE: Anything else?

SANDMAN: I also noticed two shadowy figures creeping away from the back door, where the alarm is.

SNOW WHITE: _smiles with delight_ Can you _describe_ these figures?

SANDMAN: Yes. One was big and round and the other was tall with big ears.

EASTER BUNNY: _dismissively_ Coincidence.

DONKEY: I said sit there and be quiet!

EASTER BUNNY: Sorry.

SANTA CLAUS: Don't apologize to him! We've done nothing wrong!

DONKEY: Be quiet or I'll give you a time out! _(To SNOW WHITE)_ Proceed with the questions.

SNOW WHITE: No more questions, your honor._sits_

DONKEY: Does the defense attorney have any questions?

SHREK: Yes, your honor._walks to witness stand_ Sandman, are you positive that you weren't drunk and hallucinating?

SANDMAN: _(outraged)_ Of course I wasn't!!

SHREK: Was this round figure wearing any accessories? A hat, perhaps?

SNOW WHITE: Objection! Leading the witness!

DONKEY: Objection overruled! Proceed.

SANDMAN: Well...he had no hat and very little hair.

SHREK: AHA! Santa wears a hat and has lots of hair! _turns to DONKEY_ Permission to question the Tooth Fairy?

DONKEY: Whatever. But hurry up, 'cause I want some waffles.

CINDERELLA: _escorts SANDMAN to his seat and leads TOOTH FAIRY to witness stand_

SHREK: Ms. Fairy, are you sure you weren't so ecstatic over this molar—

TOOTH FAIRY: _interrupts_ It was an eye tooth!

SHREK: -- over this wonderful eye tooth that you weren't hearing things?

TOOTH FAIRY: _flabbergasted_ How _dare_ you suggest such ridiculous thing! Of course I'm sure!

SHREK: No more questions, your honor.

DONKEY: Recess! Jury, make your final decision! 15 minutes, people! _bangs gavel_

_CURTAIN CLOSES_

_HAPPILY EVER AFTER_

THE SCENE: **_Recess is over, and court is slowly reassembling as the jury prepares to announce their verdict. _**

DONKEY: Okay, then, people. I mean, order in the court! _court falls silent_ Bailiff!

CINDERELLA: Um, it's not my turn.

DONKEY: Right. Jur—

SANTA CLAUS: Can I _please_ have some gingerbread cookies and milk?

DONKEY: For Pete's sake, give the man some cookies!

CINDERELLA: Right away, your honor. _exits room. Reenters a few minutes later holding cookies and milk._

SANTA CLAUS: Goody gumdrops!

DONKEY: Anyways...jury, proceed.

JURYMAN: _stands_ We, the jury, find the defendants, Santa Claus and Easter Bunny—

EASTER BUNNY: Hold it, buddy! Since he got his cookies, can I have some chocolate carrots?

CINDERELLA: No. Be quiet.

EASTER BUNNY: Now, that's now very fair. He got his snack, I should get mine!

DONKEY: This is a court, not a restaurant.

EASTER BUNNY: Yeah, and a court believes in fairness. So I should get my chocolate carrots and some carrot juice, too!

DONKEY: _(very frustrated) _Get him the food and let's move on with this thing already!

CINDERELLA: Sure thing. _exits room. Comes back in a few minutes carrying aforementioned food) _

EASTER BUNNY: Thanks!

DONKEY: Now be quiet! _turns to juryman_ You were saying?

JURYMAN: We, the jury, find the defendants—

CINDERELLA: Wait!

DONKEY AND JURYMAN: _(together and very exasperated) _What _now_?!

CINDERELLA: Snow White is not present at the moment. All members of the court must be present at the time of the verdict.

SHREK: Well, then, go find her!

TOOTH FAIRY: Yes, the juryman must be getting tired of being so rudely interrupted.

SANDMAN: And Billy's getting fidgety.

CINDERELLA: _is about to leave the room _again _when in rushes SNOW WHITE_

SNOW WHITE: Sorry! I was in the ladies room! Sorry! _sits, flustered_

DONKEY: The verdict, please?

JURYMAN: _(talking very fast)_ We the juries, find the defendants not guilty.

DONKEY: Great. Case closed. Have a great night, people. Court adjourned.

_Curtain Closes_

_NOT SO HAPPILY EVER AFTER_

DONKEY: _bangs gavel_ Order, people! Order! _all falls silent_ Now, what has the jury decided?

CINDERELLA: Wait!

SNOW WHITE: What?

CINDERELLA: Billy has to go...

DONKEY: Well? Hurry up, little man! _CINDERELLA leaves with BILLY to find a bathroom. The jury sits quietly. CINDERELLA reenters in a few minutes with BILLY_

CINDERELLA: Okay, go ahead.

JURYMAN: We have found the two accused—

SANTA CLAUS: What happens if we're found guilty?

DONKEY: We're about to hear that. Now, shush! Jury, proceed.

JURYMAN: We have found the two accused guilty.

_court gasps_

DONKEY: Sentencing?

JURYMAN: We sentence them to do all Billy's chores for the next 6 months!

SANTA CLAUS and EASTER BUNNY: _together_ WHAT?!

DONKEY: You heard 'em! Sentencing approved!

SANTA CLAUS: _(worriedly)_ But...but...my elves! And the presents! And—

DONKEY: It's only _April_, Santa. _APRIL!!!!!!!!!!!_

SANTA CLAUS: I almost ran out of candy and presents and _time _last year!

DONKEY: I don't really care! You should have thought of that before breaking and entering without a permit!

SANTA CLAUS: But...but...I...he...

EASTER BUNNY: _(indignant)_ Don't blame this on me!

DONKEY: I'm blamin' both of ya'll! Court adjourned.

SANTA CLAUS: _(suddenly angry)_ YOU'RE ALL GETTING _COAL_ FOR CHRISTMAS!!!

DONKEY: Now, who wants some waffles?!

_Curtain Closes_


End file.
